Ladies and gentlemen, I have some bad news. The details are still unclear but around 3am this morning a large explosion lit up the sky above the Large Hadron Collider that circles the Swiss French boarders. Witnesses say what appeared to be a porthole appeared above the CERN compound, and from out of this porthole, ‘they’ appeared.
An army of gargantuan demons crawled through this hell hole and have begun to obliterate the surrounding areas. Creatures born in a dimension so unlike our own that their hideous forms, constructed in a way that no sane human mind could ever dream of, are literally scaring people to death. Those who are surviving the site of these beasts are being driven insane, totally incapable to comprehend the scenes around them.
There is 1 human however who DID dream of this most hellish of places, and these creatures are pouring through the porthole speaking his name, his name is Skinner and he’s been painting these ‘things’ for years.
Skinner’s friends and family have reported that he was taken away by government officials early this morning, against his will and to an unknown location. The only clue is a discarded document found in Skinner’s bedroom that is titled ‘The Bunker’. This is what it said.
We have learned of a threat that will almost certainly end the world as we know it. Luckily for you, we have saved you a room in a top secret underground facility known as The Bunker.
Space inside The Bunker is limited, but you’re allowed 10 items to hopefully ease the pain of the apocalypse and keep you comfortable in your underground abode, while life on the surface is almost certainly wiped out by a catastrophic event. Please complete the form below and return it as soon as possible.
TB: We can allow you access to 1 music video. What will it be?
S: Michael Jackson’s Thriller.
(Because we’ve already shown Thriller thanks to Mysterious Al’s Bunker entry, I’ll upload this version. Thriller as performed by inmates of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Cebu, Philippines. Which is way more scary than the original in my opinion).
TB: There is room on the wall for 1 piece of art. What would you like?
This is probably the only situation that I would request a landscape in my life but something by one of those Hawaiian artists that paint realistic waves crashing in the moonlight.
Something like this then?
TB: There is a small bookshelf with room for 1 book. What will it be?
S: The biggest goddamn choose your own adventure book I could find.
TB: You’re allowed 1 film. What will you watch?
S: Point break.
TB: There are bunk beds inside the room. Who gets the other bed, and which bunk would you like?
S: My sweet baby Kristie can have one of the bunks or she can sleep in mine with me and Rasheed Wallace can have the other one.
TB: You’re allowed 1 small treasured item. What is it?
S: A glass pipe forged by Zeus himself.
TB: We’ve managed to get you a CD player. What album would you like?
S: The heavy newer mix of dopesmoker by Sleep.
TB: We are willing to cook you 1 meal of your choice on your first night in The Bunker. What would you like?
S: A big ass Vegan Indian food buffet! Get to work!
TB: All inhabitants of The Bunker MUST have their memories of Old Earth erased. However, we will allow you a single memory of your old life. What will it be?
S: Of my mom taking me to see the Hulk at Toy’s R’ Us when I was 5.
TB: We can project a view of your choice onto the Window Screen. What would you like to look at?
S: Some rats fuckin’.
TB: Thank you for your co-operation. We will do our best to satisfy your needs and we wish you a pleasant stay in The Bunker.
S: No problem and don’t forget the weed!
Skinner is exhibiting work at Okay Mountain in Austin Texas until May 29th. A big group show at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Rome in July will be graced with more of his darkness as will a group show in NYC at Bold Hype Gallery on June 3rd. A giant solo show at White Walls, San Francisco in August is also on the cards. For those of us who can’t quite stretch to an original piece of work, Skinner’s website will soon be updated with a new Shop section where us mere mortals can purchase affordable prints and t-shirts, sweet!
